Three Years of Hell to Become the Devil: Evil Plan Step 1: Acquire Topiary Garden

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Evil Plan Step 1: Acquire Topiary Garden

The Scene: a study area at the law school, where two of my female classmates, A. and B., are studying with me. Well, 'studying' in that way which means 'chatting a bit whenever the reading gets too boring.'

A: I think some of those signs tend to objectify women.
Me: You know, I've always wanted to objectify a woman. I'm just not sure on the concrete steps of how to do so. (pause) My best bet so far is to get some pretty young woman to pose nude for me, pull a gorgon's head out of my pocket, and then put her in my topiary garden.

B: Tony, you don't have enough class to have a topiary garden.

So, now it's time to start growing my topiary garden on the roof of the Malebolge.

Can anyone tell that finals pressure is getting to me?

Posted by Anthony on November 13, 2003 12:44 PM | Permalink

Comments

I thought that "topiary" referred to sculptured hedges and shrubs (a quick search at the dictionary at www.m-w.com confirms that). What you want is some talisman which would turn your pretty, nude young woman into a shrub. Then just hire a topiary artist to keep her properly pruned. :-)

Posted by: Len Cleavelin | November 13, 2003 1:29 PM

Len, give me some credit for my evil vision. Are you telling me that a single callipygian stone statute, in the midst of a maze of various abstract shrubs and hedges, be not a work of beauty?

Posted by: A. Rickey | November 13, 2003 3:16 PM

Finals?! What kind of insane law-education system do you guys have - we have a whole 9 months of education before we have to start actually learning anything. Hope the study is going well, see you in the Supreme Court ;p Jo

Posted by: Jo | November 13, 2003 4:26 PM

I think you're aiming too low. If you're really going to become the devil, you should hire pretty young women to stand around, as though they were statues, in your topiary maze. That's objectification.

Posted by: Amy Lamboley | November 13, 2003 10:53 PM

I'm not sure about that, Amy. It might be objectification. But it might also be inventing the 'art' of nude mime. Anyway, it's still pretty devilish.

Posted by: A. Rickey | November 14, 2003 3:42 PM

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