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Why am I here?

Some of you may have noticed that when it comes to blogging, recently I've just not been on my game. Pieces have been rushed or garbled; thoughts have been, at best, half-formed; and I've been stumbling over my own feet at least half the time. If you will all excuse a more personal blog entry than most, I'll try to get through what's going on: I'm having to deal with a few larger thoughts than normal, and a lot of them have to do with why I'm writing this blog.

Background
First of all, there's a lot of blessings to count, although each on reflection is mixed. Last week I had the longest and most involved interview I've had yet--with a firm I'll just call BIGLAW. I'm hoping I get the job, because while it's not in Tokyo, it's well-paying and prestigious. Something in the office environment, more serious than a code-shop and yet not Bleak House, felt good to me. It was a half day of interviews, and by the end I was bloody exhausted, but I'm hoping it didn't show.

(There's a couple of other interviews that are either outstanding or in the pipeline, and a few more firms I'm hoping to hear back from.)

In the meantime, classes are going... well, disasterously, actually. I'm not far enough behind in any class to collapse into a total drunken wreck and bemoan my fate, but I'm still part of the Fraternity of the Damned. CrimLaw remains confusing to me, and I can't put it all together, but if you remember how I coped with Torts last term, I'm just waiting for that same moment of clarity to hit me. Slogging through my masses of ConLaw remains a task I can't cope with, but today I put the first touches on an outline. And Reg. State is... well, Reg State. But even that's beginning to feel foreign to me.

So what does this brief update on real life have to do with why I've not been blogging? Believe it or not, it's not shortness of time. Read on...

The Conundrum
I started this blog as a form of light humor and entertainment, a creative task I'd enjoy doing as a distraction from the trials of law school. I set myself up some rules to keep myself from trouble, and figured what could it hurt?

This was fine, so long as my sense of humor was intact. But now I find myself getting a little more tired, a little more drawn each day, and I can't keep the strange perspective with which I used to write going. Keeping things light and amusing became impossible a few weeks ago. [1] As a consequence, I was first writing more about politics--which, obscurely, is a fairly safe topic, because ones opinion is well-camouflaged in the forest of the blogosphere--and then suddenly wasn't writing much at all.

At the moment, I find myself in a bind. Unlike Sherry, I don't blog about my personal life, my love life, or the various trivia that is me. Unlike her, I'm simply not that interesting. (Although I have recently purchased a very attractive pot plant, what I believe is a medium-sized ficus tree. We'll see if my brown-thumb prevails.)

Keeping quiet about such things protects the privacy of my friends and besides, I don't know you folks that well. However, as a consequence, if my personal life gets more interesting I have less to blog about.

In the meantime, I'm wary about blogging about my job search. I'd never noticed, as I'm not the kind who scans my logs for more than bare aggregate information, but just lately a few firms--say, Miller, Reeve, and Bath or Tidleywumpets.co.uk--have been showing up both as referrers and in the organization report. I don't blog anonymously, and they had my resume. All of a sudden, one feels a bit exposed. I think I'm smart enough to avoid doing anything too embarassing, but it does complicate all sorts of etiquette situations.

Finally, the tiredness and failure of humor makes it difficult to blog about my school work. It just reminds me that instead of blogging about it, I should be reading about it. Sort of takes the joy out of the whole thing. When I was at lunch with one of the BIGLAW associates, they mentioned that while being a first year associate was a lot of work, it had one big advantages over law school: even if you were at the office all the time, when you go home, you can switch off. It's a sign of how long I've been doing this that I had to remember that yes, that is an advantage of a regular job. I once had one, you know.

And if that humor isn't there, talking about class is risky. I already find myself on edge, writing near-to-obscene comments in an article by Radin. (OK, she deserved it, the whole hypothesis was silly.) I'm not sure I trust myself to really let loose and yet still remain within the bounds of good taste.

So I suppose this long and drawn out explanation/rant/apology is by way of forgiveness for not having been on the ball of late. I'm sure in a few days the tables will turn, and then we'll be back to droll discussions of the Moe's criminal intent in his assault on Curley, or what have you. But in the meantime, it may be a bit dry, or a bit political.

[1] Incidentally, Jeremy Blachman and Buffalo Wings And Vodka seem to manage this irreverence without fail, every day, no matter what's happening. They are simply amazing in that way.

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Comments

if you need a crim law outline (do you use dressler?), I'll be posting one soon...
Quoth Anthony: "Unlike Sherry, I don't blog about my personal life, my love life, or the various trivia that is me." Wow? Columbia lets you have a personal life or a love life? What a bunch of wusses! At Northwestern 20 years ago we had to sign over all that personal crap for the three years we were there... ;-) On a serious note, hang in there! I remember this period well, and feeling similarly oppressed. Things Will Get Better.
Feh. Everyone gets there during 1L. Especially before moot court can be put to bed. Congrats and good luck on the job search!
Just wait until we former EnBancers get back up and running--we'll get you pepped up again. ;)
If you think that a half day of interviewing is rough, just wait until next year when you have to schedule two half day interviews on the same day, then fly to another city the next day for another round. The joys of BIGLAW.
Feel free to blog about your personal life, your love life, and the various trivia that is you. I, for one, will drink it up. Also, I recommend skipping at least a class or two a week. And doing something frivolous and lovely and self-indulgent and wholly unrelated to law and/or your intellect with the time. It'll get better. And then, when you go work for BIGLAW, it'll get worse.....
i agree with sherry. we had a professor that told us that the law school had not done its job if we didn't see this town (Boston) by the time we'd graduated. i have taken that as a license to party. remember - you don't have to do the reading every single day to participate in class and do well on exams. i have a hard time remembering that one.

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